Sunday, January 03, 2010

All Caught Up In...

It has been a year since I blogged. My friend, Bonnie asked me if I would update my blog. So Bonnie, this is for you.

What a year! "I Stand All Amazed" the blessings we have received. Dan got a new Logan! Pretty incredible. My coping methods during his unemployment were probably unique, but it worked for me. I worked hard at my job at the Bridgerland Phone Book, and then started nursing school. My goal is to be self-sufficient and have marketable skills that I can use to support my family. It really helped me to focus on being proactive instead of on the undesirable situation. It helped me look forward with hope of a better situation.

I do still and may always struggle with obtaining balance in my life. I get all caught up in whatever is happening in my own life and lose touch with almost everything else. I feel for my kids. As I study, I hope they are getting caught up in what they are learning, too. I do love to learn. I hope that I am a good example to them in that area. Education is important, even vital. Loving to learn is a huge blessing.

I have been a bit competitive in school, but this last semester it wasn't like that. (Honest!) My goals are to do my best in school without going crazy, completely neglecting my family relationships, and to actually enjoy the journey of learning. Two years is a long time to go without enjoying it.

But there I go again, being caught up in school . . .me, my life. Where are the friendships that I've been good at making and keeping ? I remember you all fondly, and hope you are well. I'd like to be connected, stay connected, and make a difference to someone outside my minuscule circle. Where is the purpose? Who can do it all? It seems that some do.

I have a complaint. I have wonderful, sincere people at church, who ask me how school is on a regular basis. So the last few weeks I decided that I would briefly answer, then try to put the focus of the conversation on them. How are their goals going? What is happening in their lives? It didn't work! The one couple with whom I tried this gave me, "our holidays were great! How were your finals?" I then said, "fine. How was last semester for you?" to the husband who is working on his PhD.

"They didn't kick me out," he said.

I think the key that this couple has learned is to ask good questions. Though they are not so great at answering them. I want to know what is going on in others' lives. Who cares how finals went? They are done, in the past. School is school. Where are the real moments, the real conversations, where we can reach out, serve, and focus on others?

The thing is I know it is my fault. Because I'm so caught up in . . . whatever. I breath, eat, and drink one thing at a time.

I was actually listening to a friend who called me. It was refreshing to listen and empathize and be in the moment with her. It is good to get outside myself and try to put myself in another's shoes. My shoes are so comfortable compared to hers. I hope that by listening I can maybe ease her burdens. I can't take her troubles away.

I went to the funeral of JoAnn Autry yesterday. I, along with hundreds of others, call her a dear friend. It was said that she made friends and adopted them into her family wherever she went. Listening to her children talk about her made me want to be a better person. The ripples of her life touched so many others. JoAnn was all caught up in loving others unconditionally and turning her stumbling blocks into stepping stones. I'm so grateful for her example.

Today was a better Sunday than last mostly because I reached out and visited with friends and made plans to spend time with them in the next couple of weeks. I will find a way to connect, to balance and to serve-even when I'm in school. It starts again in two weeks. I'm excited for it to start, but I'm enjoying the break and the journey.

I do believe that the most important things in life are my relationships with God and my Savior, my husband, and family, and those adopted family members called friends.