Life is Hard and There is Hope

I read a Segullah blog post a while back asking for people to share happy things that are going on in their lives. I could use a list of happy events right now. I enjoy getting on Facebook to see how my "friends" are doing and what they are up to. The last month I've had 2 friends that have had tragedy strike their children. Cancer and a "life changing" neck injury. These friends have been blogging about their experiences and my mother's heart aches for them. My prayers are with them. I read their blogs and cry, and the spring rains cry with me. Their blogs testify of the hope they still have. The hope in happy moments even with the "finger nails on a chalkboard" reality that their child is sick and suffering.

A quote from http://sheawalkingonwater.blogspot.com, "We believe in the gift of healing." (and paraphrasing) healing even comes with death. Christ's gift of healing is for everyone, healing that can only come through Him. I think that is probably the most difficult thing for a mother is not being able to take the pain away. Only the Savior can do that. Again, my prayers go out to my friends. Prayers for comfort, healing, and peace. Prayers for the arms of angels around them during these trials.

New Year's Resolutions - things to do list

I know my limits and my expectations of myself are low. That way I can be successful. I try to take on just a small, achievable amount. Here goes.

This year I want to figure out how to grow a better garden, learn more in the scriptures, be a better neighbor and friend, become more Christlike, keep life simple and meaningful, and finish the 3rd of 4 semesters of nursing school.

It sounds like a lot now that I write it down. But the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.

All Caught Up In...

It has been a year since I blogged. My friend, Bonnie asked me if I would update my blog. So Bonnie, this is for you.

What a year! "I Stand All Amazed"...at the blessings we have received. Dan got a new job...in Logan! Pretty incredible. My coping methods during his unemployment were probably unique, but it worked for me. I worked hard at my job at the Bridgerland Phone Book, and then started nursing school. My goal is to be self-sufficient and have marketable skills that I can use to support my family. It really helped me to focus on being proactive instead of on the undesirable situation. It helped me look forward with hope of a better situation.

I do still and may always struggle with obtaining balance in my life. I get all caught up in whatever is happening in my own life and lose touch with almost everything else. I feel for my kids. As I study, I hope they are getting caught up in what they are learning, too. I do love to learn. I hope that I am a good example to them in that area. Education is important, even vital. Loving to learn is a huge blessing.

I have been a bit competitive in school, but this last semester it wasn't like that. (Honest!) My goals are to do my best in school without going crazy, completely neglecting my family relationships, and to actually enjoy the journey of learning. Two years is a long time to go without enjoying it.

But there I go again, being caught up in school . . .me, my life. Where are the friendships that I've been good at making and keeping ? I remember you all fondly, and hope you are well. I'd like to be connected, stay connected, and make a difference to someone outside my minuscule circle. Where is the purpose? Who can do it all? It seems that some do.

I have a complaint. I have wonderful, sincere people at church, who ask me how school is on a regular basis. So the last few weeks I decided that I would briefly answer, then try to put the focus of the conversation on them. How are their goals going? What is happening in their lives? It didn't work! The one couple with whom I tried this gave me, "our holidays were great! How were your finals?" I then said, "fine. How was last semester for you?" to the husband who is working on his PhD.

"They didn't kick me out," he said.

I think the key that this couple has learned is to ask good questions. Though they are not so great at answering them. I want to know what is going on in others' lives. Who cares how finals went? They are done, in the past. School is school. Where are the real moments, the real conversations, where we can reach out, serve, and focus on others?

The thing is I know it is my fault. Because I'm so caught up in . . . whatever. I breath, eat, and drink one thing at a time.

I was actually listening to a friend who called me. It was refreshing to listen and empathize and be in the moment with her. It is good to get outside myself and try to put myself in another's shoes. My shoes are so comfortable compared to hers. I hope that by listening I can maybe ease her burdens. I can't take her troubles away.

I went to the funeral of JoAnn Autry yesterday. I, along with hundreds of others, call her a dear friend. It was said that she made friends and adopted them into her family wherever she went. Listening to her children talk about her made me want to be a better person. The ripples of her life touched so many others. JoAnn was all caught up in loving others unconditionally and turning her stumbling blocks into stepping stones. http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/deseretnews/obituary.aspx?n=joann-thorne-autry&pid=138538482 I'm so grateful for her example.

Today was a better Sunday than last mostly because I reached out and visited with friends and made plans to spend time with them in the next couple of weeks. I will find a way to connect, to balance and to serve-even when I'm in school. It starts again in two weeks. I'm excited for it to start, but I'm enjoying the break and the journey.

I do believe that the most important things in life are my relationships with God and my Savior, my husband, and family, and those adopted family members called friends.

New Family Picture

We got everyone together for Christmas this year. I'm not sure how often that will happen with more grandchildren on the way. So we took advantage of it and took pictures. It is nice to finally have one with everyone in it.

Time

A funny thing time is. I thought that I knew how time felt, but as I get older it feels different. Faster and faster it goes. I don't feel older. I guess I should. Maybe 45 is the new 35?
Another big block of time just flew past. I have something to show for it. I finished my Associates of Science at Utah State University. It is exciting to me! I have a piece of paper that says I finished something.
I'm truly enjoying the journey. I enjoyed all of my classes. I even learned a lot. I still love school. I'm finishing my nursing prerequisites (again) this next year. I'm waiting to apply into the program until the "time is right." It will probably be for 2010, but the way time flies, it will be here before any of us can believe it. Ryan said that it was so far away. I always said that I was on the slow boat to nursing. So what if I'm nearly fifty when I finish. I'm re-careering. My first and very most important career has always been that of "Mom." I love it! The pay isn't great, but the rewards are priceless.

I want to be educated when I grow up...

I hadn't been to visit the Segullah blog for a long time. This is what I found. I love it!

"Who Do You Want to Be Today?

A few years back, when my three kids were nine, seven and four, I hit one of those turning points. A demarcation. I lived in Minnesota at the time, in a school district where summers were looooong, and I remember sitting at my computer one hot July day, looking out the window at my kids running around on the lawn, completely independent. They no longer needed me to tie their shoes or wipe their bottoms, rock them to sleep or buckle their seat belts. In many ways, it was a time to celebrate my own independence. Finally, I had some air to breathe, a little corner of quiet. Sleep. Oh, the sleep! It was everything I’d been yearning for.

Yet.

Yet I felt unsettled, unmoored by my impending freedom. For the better part of the previous decade, I’d been a mom of little kids. Sure, I’d done other things while they were small, but in many ways the tying and wiping and rocking and buckling were the actions that defined my days. Defined my life. The future was yawning (and I was well rested), which begged the question:

So what was I gonna do now??

What I did was get pregnant again. Halfway through my third child’s kindergarten year, we welcomed our caboose—our fourth and final child—whom my husband called our “hobby baby.” He’s been darling and fun (and crazy and exhausting). But this post isn’t about babies. It’s about choices. It’s about that time in your life when you stand on the dividing line from one phase to the next and find yourself wondering who (whom??) the heck you are supposed to be.

Perhaps it’s my age—I’m thirty six—but I feel like recently I’ve had an abundance of conversations with women my age about how to handle the next phase. The “kids are all in school . . . now what?” conversation. And inevitably, in almost every conversation, somebody says this:

“I want to (fill in the blank) but I’m afraid . . .”

I want to go back to work, but I’m afraid the other stay-at-home moms will judge me.

Read more...

Vote for Life

I saw this video on Candace's Blog. One of Ryan's friends said that the election should be pretty clear for LDS voters. The church stands for life and marriage between a man and a woman. Shouldn't our votes be for those who stand and support those two things?


I thought this ad was right on target! I hope the Catholics and other Christians will get out and vote for life!

This Was a First for Me!

If you know me very well . . . which most of you who read this do, I am almost never late for one thing . . . school, and never when there is a test. But this morning I was running just a bit late. I couldn't get my hair to work right this morning, so I spent a few more minutes on it than usual. Then I had to take Dan to work because the truck is in the shop. So these two things had me running just about five minutes later than usual.

No big deal. I would be to school on time. So I grabbed my shoes out of my closet, threw them on, and rushed out the door. After driving Dan to work, I glanced at the clock and knew getting to class on time was going to mean speeding (just a little) and speed-walking across campus. I zoomed into the parking lot, into a stall, jumped out of the car, and realized two things. I didn't wear socks (which isn't unusual), and one of my feet was colder than the other. I looked down at my racing feet . . . and my shoes didn't match!!!! I had one black leather loafer on and a brown leather clog!!!! There was not one thing I could do about it. I had a test that I had to get to and had exactly 5 minutes to walk 3 blocks to my class.

My eyes were tearing a bit from the cold, but then I started laughing! I had tears streaming down my face as I hurried to class in my mismatched shoes. I looked around and there weren't many people walking to class. They were already in class. I thought, "no one will notice." I called Tessa knowing that she was between classes too, and told her of my silly situation. She thought it was very amusing. Unbeknown to me, we were walking on an intercepting path while talking. When we ran into each other, she looked at me and said, "Oh, mother!" We laughed for a few seconds together, and then had to run. As I waved good-bye to her, she laughed and said, "One shoe doesn't have a back and the other does! How did you not notice that?" There were several people around at that moment, and all I did was laugh harder.

I got into class about one minute late, and had to gather myself so that I could concentrate on my test. I was really thankful that I only had one class today in which I had to remain mismatched. My test took twenty minutes and I was out of there almost as fast as I had gotten there. I laughed on and off all morning. I hope that my testing went better than my dressing!

Our Country is in Crisis. Let us join in prayer.

I found this on Anne Bradshaw's blog and think it is a great idea! Please spread the word.

"ONE MINUTE EACH NIGHT"

“This is the scariest election we as Christians have ever faced and from the looks of the polls, the Christians aren't voting Christian values. We all need to be on our knees.

“Do you believe we can take God at His word? Call upon His name, then stand back and watch His wonders to behold? This scripture gives us, as Christians, ownership of this land and the ability to call upon God to heal it. I challenge you to do so. We have never been more desperate than now for God to heal our land. This election is the scariest.

“2 Chronicles 7:14--'If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.'

“During WWII, there was an adviser to Churchill who organized a group of people who dropped what they were doing every night at a prescribed hour. For one minute, they prayed collectively for the safety of England, its people and peace. This had an amazing effect as bombing stopped. There is now a group of people organizing the same thing here in the United States of America and our citizens need prayer more than ever.

“If you would like to participate: each evening at 9:00 PM Eastern Time (8:00 PM Central, 7:00 PM Mountain, 6:00 PM Pacific), stop whatever you are doing and spend one minute praying for the safety of the United States, our troops, our citizens, for peace in the world, the upcoming election, that the Bible will remain the basis for the laws governing our land and that Christianity will grow in the US.

“If you know anyone who would like to participate, please pass this along. Someone said if people really understood the full extent of the power we have available through prayer, we might be speechless. Our prayers are the most powerful asset we have.

"Please pass this on to anyone who you think might want to join us.”

Diet and Health

In the past I have read extensively about weight-loss and dieting. I have probably read well over thirty books since I was in high school. Almost everything that I have read addressed what to eat to be thin. I've learned basically that a person has to burn more calories than he eats to loss weight.
But being thin doesn't guarantee health. To have true health, a person must eat nutrient-dense foods, and enough of them to get an adequate supply of those nutrients. Sometimes this conflicts with eating to be thin. Recently I have lost 13 lbs doing what I know to lose weight, exercising almost daily and counting calories. But I know that I don't necessarily get the nutrients I need everyday from my food. So I take good whole food supplements and hope for the best. I think there has to be a better, more natural way.
My father has just read a new book called The China Study. He is has been eating a vegetarian diet for the last eight weeks. The book promotes eating whole grains, vegetables, and no more than 10% of one's diet in meat, and no dairy products. It includes comprehensive research and several double-blind studies. The evidence in the book is intriguing, to say the least. My dad has lost another 6 lbs eating as much as he wants of the "right" foods. He had already lost 30 lbs in the last year other ways. This diet is almost opposite of The Atkin's Diet in which he use to try to adhere a few years ago. He feels so much better! His blood pressure is down and instead of dragging around he has energy. The thing most interesting to me is that the principles in the book go hand in hand with The Word of Wisdom (Doctrine and Covenants 89).
I have yet to read it. He bought me a copy of the book, but I have been so busy that I haven't taken the time. It sounds like the diet, as written in the book, would supply the necessary nutrients to acquire true good health. I'm a bit intimidated by it. Totally changing the way I shop, cook, and eat would be difficult at best when my habits are so different. But what are the rewards? My family would eat better and be healthier just because I would constantly have fresh food around, even if they didn't eliminate all that I would.
I need to find the time to read the book and incorporate the ideas. Maybe I'd lose the last 5-10 lbs that I would like to, and be even healthier than I am now.

Emma Trying on Shoes at DI

 
 
 
 

What to Blog? Politics, Blackbeard, Mesa Visit

My friend bought Freddie Mac stock at twenty eight cents and it was up to $2 yesterday. She was really excited about it. She is banking on the bailout passing. I did some research and the Congressional leaders have reached an agreement, but it hasn't been voted upon yet in Congress. The word on the street is that it will pass, but narrowly. There has to be a better solution than this!

Mindy and I after Blackbeard 

But onto happier things. I saw Blackbeard yesterday. It was wonderful. The music was beautiful, the comedy hysterical, and the intrigue marvelous. I laughed, I cried! I embarrassed Mindy because I'm a groupie. But I still love Jordan Bluth and Rob Gardner! Tyler Maxson was incredible. He sings and sounds like Richard Harrison from Camelot. This is him singing in this youtube video. So fun. Listen to the words!


The first night I got to Mesa I went and saw my favorite biology teacher, Mrs. Mary Whysong. I love that lady. I hadn't seen her in two years, so it was good to touch bases. She inspires me. Then I headed to Holly's house, watched my first episode of "The Office". Up early, at 8 to swim with Mindy and Emma in Holly's beautiful Hawaiian themed pool, including Tiki torches, and palm-frond huts. I should take a picture to add here. I went and saw Bonnie for about an hour. They are adding a giant RV garage and office onto their house. I'm happy for them. Then off to Hong Kong's Best Dining for my favorite Mesa Chinese food at lunch time.
We went to Deseret Industries to look at shoes. Mindy didn't find any, but Emma tried on several pair. I will add those pictures when I get home on my own computer. She is so darling!

Then we went to Mindy's for Emma's nap. I studied for my Abnormal Psychology test, and watched Queen's Bohemian Rhaspody on Youtube.

Not so sure why, but I love it. It definitely went along with my study of depression and mood disorders for psychology.

Then we took Emma to the other grandma's house and we headed for Chipotle for dinner. It was yummy. Then we drove to Phoenix to see Blackbeard. There was a Diamondback's game so parking was a bit of a joke. The Hermberger Theatre was plush, the audience small, but the entertainment fabulous! I talked to Rob, Tyler, and Jordan. Such talented young men. When Jordan ends up famous I can say I was one of his first big fans! I hope Rob gets his dream of Blackbeard going to Broadway!
So up this morning for an 8 am swim again. More studying, more playing with Mindy. We went to the Women's General Conference. President Ukdorf's talk was perfect about being creative and compassionate like God. I saw some of my Elmwood ward friends, but not many.
But I'm off to study some more psych. and listen to a bit more Queen. Tata for now:)

Amazing and Unique Talent

Government Bailouts and the Economy.

Dr. Craig Peterson of Utah State University said that this last week was the scariest week he has lived through economically and he is an economist.
Our government is proposing to bailout a number of failing companies to save the country from a severe economic downturn to the tune of trillions of dollars that they don't have. I believe it is a temporary band-aid that will only lead to socialism. Do we only believe in a free market except for when it doesn't work?
The mortgage industry loosened qualifications for mortgages so much that it jeopardized all of us. Investors artificially drove the housing markets up in places like Las Vegas and Phoenix. And to top it off, home owners used the inflated equity in their homes as credit cards and spent tomorrow's paychecks.
But we all know that hind sight is 20/20. I don't know much about the economy, government, or business, but I do know that I shouldn't spend money that I don't have. If our government is spending money that it does not have, it will have to take it from the people in the way of higher taxes. This only can hurt us in the long run. These bailouts will put our government in such a pernicious situation that can only be rectified by huge tax increases, which Obama proposes and will be more justified in implementing if elected. Even the Republicans will have no choice but to raise taxes. The people of Alma were in bondage to the Lamanites when taxed at 50%. We are so close to that now...higher taxes, inflation, bigger government, and on and on. Bondage.
My son, Ryan said that he would rather be working hard, poorer, and free than live under socialism. We have come so far from what our Founding Fathers built under the Constitution. I see it deteriorating more and more.
Tonight I wrote my congressmen and the white house. Is it too little, too late?

Mindy and Her Fun Friends

I was just reading around in Blogland and came upon Mindy's and her friend, Amanda's blogs. The pictures show how fun these girls really are. If you haven't visited these blogs, go give them a looksie!

"Obtain the Prize"

I found this on quote on ANWA's Founder and Friends. President Thomas S. Monson said, "Finishers have the capacity to visualize their objective--vision without effort [though] is daydreaming; [and] effort without vision is drudgery; but vision, coupled with effort, will obtain the prize."

I personally have been accused of not finishing what I start. I have a tendency to let life get in the way of personal goals. Sometimes that is appropriate, when it means that I am putting my family before myself, but other times it isn't. I have lost my vision, or changed it when I've learned new things or adjusted my perspective about what is truly important. As I told my mother once, I've stuck with the most important things in my life. I'm still a good mother and I'm still married!

Reading President Monson's words, "effort without vision is drudgery" helped me realize that at many times in my life I have done the work because it was necessary, but my heart wasn't in it. I'm thankful for that the work was available when it was needed, but I always hoped for a time that the work would be toward my dreams. I've been fortunate to have a husband that supports me in putting effort toward my visions. Someday I may even get paid again to do the work that I love beyond my family. But right now I'm finishing the education to get me there. I may be a bit old for college, but going keeps me young. It is never too late to pursue dreams and to finish goals. I didn't quit, I just postponed it until later.

Anne Bradshaw's Book Contest

Anne Bradshaw is giving away Enjoying the Journey by Jaime Theler with Deborah Talmadge. Go enter the contest to see if you can win. Or don't so that I have a better chance! http://annebradshaw.blogspot.com/2008/09/heres-contest.html

What Does Obama Want to Change?

I have a number of friends and neighbors that are voting for Obama, and I really don't understand why they truly think he'll do a good job in the White House. I've heard them say that they want change, but what kind of change? They want out of Iraq. I can understand that. I didn't agree with going into Iraq when we did. I don't think that we should be the world's policemen. But to vote for Obama and get bigger government, more taxes, more socialism, more abortion? I just don't understand.

I whole heartedly agree with this email/letter from Joe Porter of Champaign , Illinois. This is just a little of it.

"I have yet to find one single person who can tell me distinctly and
convincingly why this man [Obama] is qualified to be President and
Commander-in-Chief of the most powerful nation on earth - other than
the fact that he claims he's going to implement a lot of change. We've
all seen the emails about Obama's genealogy, his upbringing, his Muslim
background, and his church affiliations. Let's ignore this for a
moment. Put it all aside. Then ask yourself, what qualifies this man to
be my president? That he's a brilliant orator and talks about change?
CHANGE WHAT?

"Friends, I'll be forthright with you - I believe the American voters
who are supporting Barack Obama don't have a clue what they're doing,
as evidenced by the fact that not one of them - NOT ONE of them I've
spoken to can spell out his qualifications. Not even the most liberal
media can explain why he should be elected. Political experience?
Negligible. Foreign relations? Non-existent. Achievements? Name one.
Someone who wants to unite the country? If you haven't read his wife's
thesis from Princeton , look it up on the web. This is who's lining up
to be our next First Lady? The only thing I can glean from Obama's
constant harping about change is that we're in for a lot of new taxes."

It scares me to death! Obama has no true track record in the Senate. What does the man really stand for? Look at his jet!

He took the American flag off of the tail of his jet!
Snopes says this is TRUE -- http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/airplane.asp

Go read the book Obama Nation to see what this man truly stands for. He doesn't believe in the America that the founding fathers set up, of checks and balances, and limited federal government. He believes that the government knows better than the people, that the government should cure all the social ills.


Let's give the government all our money and see how they manage it...oh, wait, the government has a track record of this. It pays for other people's abortions when I don't believe in abortion. It pays for illegal aliens' health care, food, and education without being able to tax them. Look at the mess in New Orleans. The government isn't set up to take care of all the people. People should be mostly accountable for themselves. True charity, where people care for their neighbors, is better than socialism any day. But if I'm forced to give the lion's share of my income to the government in way of taxes, I won't be in the position to help my neighbor. Let's look at socialized medicine in other Canada. People in Canada come here for treatment because they can't get life saving procedures in time in their country. It isn't working there, why will it work here?


Voting for Obama to me equals less freedom, higher taxes, more world-wide government, less national security, and less national sovereignty. I thought that when the nation voted in Bill Clinton and didn't hold him accountable for his perjury or adultery, we would then be punished for our iniquities. Could that have been 9/11? Knowingly voting to reduce our individual agency, and accountability is just as bad. But do the good people of my neighborhood really know what they are voting for? I think not. Obama is indeed a good persuasive speaker. Is that enough?

I Couldn't Have Said it Better!

Candace Salima hit the nail on the head with the following post on her blog.

"Liberal Media Attack Sarah Palin and the Western Way of Life

Posted by Candace E. Salima

September 09,
2008

Warning: Serious rant ahead. Really, really serious rant ahead.

Maurine Proctor of Family Leader reported: "They hate Palin because she is a feisty, vibrant, can-do reformer who represents everything they hope to marginalize. She believes in life, marriage, family and religion. She believes in good and evil, right and wrong and is willing to say it. When faced with giving birth to a Down's Syndrome child that studies show some 90% of parents would have aborted, she not only gave birth to Trig, but says of him , "Sometimes even the greatest joys bring challenge. And children with special needs inspire a special love."

"Governor Palin has the Left shivering because she can be such a powerful force to rally the enthusiasm and hope of ordinary Americans who still hold traditional values. She has reignited the troops in the culture war.

"Examples abound of Palin's shoddy treatment. New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd compares her nomination to watching a chick flick. She writes: "This chick flick, naturally, features a wild stroke of fate, when the two-year governor of an oversized igloo becomes commander in chief after the president-elect chokes on a pretzel on day one.

"The P.T.A. is great preparation for dealing with the K.G.B.," President Palin murmurs to Todd, as they kiss in the final scene while she changes Trig's diaper. "Now that Georgia's safe, how 'bout I cook you up some caribou hot dogs and moose stew for dinner, babe?"

Gloria Steinem offered this in an opinion column, "This isn't the first time a boss has picked an unqualified woman just because she agrees with him and opposes everything most other women want and need."

I don't even know where to start! I get so sick of people, like these two morons above, and yes I know exactly who I am calling a moron and I'm standing by it! I have to assume that people who have never had to work the earth for their food, care for the cattle or bison, hunt wild game in order to feed their families, don't really know where food comes from. In all their ignorance and stupidity they trot on down to the grocery store, or pay someone to do said trotting, wander up and down the aisles picking up packages of food without ever stopping to think where it came from or the people who made it possible to be there." Read more...

Also, here is the You Tube video of Sarah Palin's acceptance speech for you who missed it. Candace is right, Steinem and Dowd can't discredit Palin's strength or tenacity in standing for family, life, or the true American way so they have to resort to ridicule of those very things.

The Mom Song

Thanks to Candace Salima I now know how to post videos off of You Tube. I'm so excited! This is the first one that I saw ages ago that I just had to have on here. I could sing it to my children every morning and never have to talk to them the rest of the day!