Life is Hard and There is Hope

I read a Segullah blog post a while back asking for people to share happy things that are going on in their lives. I could use a list of happy events right now. I enjoy getting on Facebook to see how my "friends" are doing and what they are up to. The last month I've had 2 friends that have had tragedy strike their children. Cancer and a "life changing" neck injury. These friends have been blogging about their experiences and my mother's heart aches for them. My prayers are with them. I read their blogs and cry, and the spring rains cry with me. Their blogs testify of the hope they still have. The hope in happy moments even with the "finger nails on a chalkboard" reality that their child is sick and suffering.

A quote from http://sheawalkingonwater.blogspot.com, "We believe in the gift of healing." (and paraphrasing) healing even comes with death. Christ's gift of healing is for everyone, healing that can only come through Him. I think that is probably the most difficult thing for a mother is not being able to take the pain away. Only the Savior can do that. Again, my prayers go out to my friends. Prayers for comfort, healing, and peace. Prayers for the arms of angels around them during these trials.

New Year's Resolutions - things to do list

I know my limits and my expectations of myself are low. That way I can be successful. I try to take on just a small, achievable amount. Here goes.

This year I want to figure out how to grow a better garden, learn more in the scriptures, be a better neighbor and friend, become more Christlike, keep life simple and meaningful, and finish the 3rd of 4 semesters of nursing school.

It sounds like a lot now that I write it down. But the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.

All Caught Up In...

It has been a year since I blogged. My friend, Bonnie asked me if I would update my blog. So Bonnie, this is for you.

What a year! "I Stand All Amazed"...at the blessings we have received. Dan got a new job...in Logan! Pretty incredible. My coping methods during his unemployment were probably unique, but it worked for me. I worked hard at my job at the Bridgerland Phone Book, and then started nursing school. My goal is to be self-sufficient and have marketable skills that I can use to support my family. It really helped me to focus on being proactive instead of on the undesirable situation. It helped me look forward with hope of a better situation.

I do still and may always struggle with obtaining balance in my life. I get all caught up in whatever is happening in my own life and lose touch with almost everything else. I feel for my kids. As I study, I hope they are getting caught up in what they are learning, too. I do love to learn. I hope that I am a good example to them in that area. Education is important, even vital. Loving to learn is a huge blessing.

I have been a bit competitive in school, but this last semester it wasn't like that. (Honest!) My goals are to do my best in school without going crazy, completely neglecting my family relationships, and to actually enjoy the journey of learning. Two years is a long time to go without enjoying it.

But there I go again, being caught up in school . . .me, my life. Where are the friendships that I've been good at making and keeping ? I remember you all fondly, and hope you are well. I'd like to be connected, stay connected, and make a difference to someone outside my minuscule circle. Where is the purpose? Who can do it all? It seems that some do.

I have a complaint. I have wonderful, sincere people at church, who ask me how school is on a regular basis. So the last few weeks I decided that I would briefly answer, then try to put the focus of the conversation on them. How are their goals going? What is happening in their lives? It didn't work! The one couple with whom I tried this gave me, "our holidays were great! How were your finals?" I then said, "fine. How was last semester for you?" to the husband who is working on his PhD.

"They didn't kick me out," he said.

I think the key that this couple has learned is to ask good questions. Though they are not so great at answering them. I want to know what is going on in others' lives. Who cares how finals went? They are done, in the past. School is school. Where are the real moments, the real conversations, where we can reach out, serve, and focus on others?

The thing is I know it is my fault. Because I'm so caught up in . . . whatever. I breath, eat, and drink one thing at a time.

I was actually listening to a friend who called me. It was refreshing to listen and empathize and be in the moment with her. It is good to get outside myself and try to put myself in another's shoes. My shoes are so comfortable compared to hers. I hope that by listening I can maybe ease her burdens. I can't take her troubles away.

I went to the funeral of JoAnn Autry yesterday. I, along with hundreds of others, call her a dear friend. It was said that she made friends and adopted them into her family wherever she went. Listening to her children talk about her made me want to be a better person. The ripples of her life touched so many others. JoAnn was all caught up in loving others unconditionally and turning her stumbling blocks into stepping stones. http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/deseretnews/obituary.aspx?n=joann-thorne-autry&pid=138538482 I'm so grateful for her example.

Today was a better Sunday than last mostly because I reached out and visited with friends and made plans to spend time with them in the next couple of weeks. I will find a way to connect, to balance and to serve-even when I'm in school. It starts again in two weeks. I'm excited for it to start, but I'm enjoying the break and the journey.

I do believe that the most important things in life are my relationships with God and my Savior, my husband, and family, and those adopted family members called friends.

New Family Picture

We got everyone together for Christmas this year. I'm not sure how often that will happen with more grandchildren on the way. So we took advantage of it and took pictures. It is nice to finally have one with everyone in it.

Time

A funny thing time is. I thought that I knew how time felt, but as I get older it feels different. Faster and faster it goes. I don't feel older. I guess I should. Maybe 45 is the new 35?
Another big block of time just flew past. I have something to show for it. I finished my Associates of Science at Utah State University. It is exciting to me! I have a piece of paper that says I finished something.
I'm truly enjoying the journey. I enjoyed all of my classes. I even learned a lot. I still love school. I'm finishing my nursing prerequisites (again) this next year. I'm waiting to apply into the program until the "time is right." It will probably be for 2010, but the way time flies, it will be here before any of us can believe it. Ryan said that it was so far away. I always said that I was on the slow boat to nursing. So what if I'm nearly fifty when I finish. I'm re-careering. My first and very most important career has always been that of "Mom." I love it! The pay isn't great, but the rewards are priceless.

I want to be educated when I grow up...

I hadn't been to visit the Segullah blog for a long time. This is what I found. I love it!

"Who Do You Want to Be Today?

A few years back, when my three kids were nine, seven and four, I hit one of those turning points. A demarcation. I lived in Minnesota at the time, in a school district where summers were looooong, and I remember sitting at my computer one hot July day, looking out the window at my kids running around on the lawn, completely independent. They no longer needed me to tie their shoes or wipe their bottoms, rock them to sleep or buckle their seat belts. In many ways, it was a time to celebrate my own independence. Finally, I had some air to breathe, a little corner of quiet. Sleep. Oh, the sleep! It was everything I’d been yearning for.

Yet.

Yet I felt unsettled, unmoored by my impending freedom. For the better part of the previous decade, I’d been a mom of little kids. Sure, I’d done other things while they were small, but in many ways the tying and wiping and rocking and buckling were the actions that defined my days. Defined my life. The future was yawning (and I was well rested), which begged the question:

So what was I gonna do now??

What I did was get pregnant again. Halfway through my third child’s kindergarten year, we welcomed our caboose—our fourth and final child—whom my husband called our “hobby baby.” He’s been darling and fun (and crazy and exhausting). But this post isn’t about babies. It’s about choices. It’s about that time in your life when you stand on the dividing line from one phase to the next and find yourself wondering who (whom??) the heck you are supposed to be.

Perhaps it’s my age—I’m thirty six—but I feel like recently I’ve had an abundance of conversations with women my age about how to handle the next phase. The “kids are all in school . . . now what?” conversation. And inevitably, in almost every conversation, somebody says this:

“I want to (fill in the blank) but I’m afraid . . .”

I want to go back to work, but I’m afraid the other stay-at-home moms will judge me.

Read more...

Vote for Life

I saw this video on Candace's Blog. One of Ryan's friends said that the election should be pretty clear for LDS voters. The church stands for life and marriage between a man and a woman. Shouldn't our votes be for those who stand and support those two things?


I thought this ad was right on target! I hope the Catholics and other Christians will get out and vote for life!